The Florida State Fair....Nuff said.

Ahhh the fair. If they could bottle up that smell I would dab it on my wrists and wear it. We were on the fence about it and Sunday came around and it was one of those things we acted like we were too good for it but really we're not and we really wanted to go. So we packed Albert's Dad bag and off we went.

"Load up girls we're going to the fair."
"Yipeeeeee, can you help me pick out my outfit?"
"Just throw on anything with a hole in it and let's go, you'll be fine."

First stop. ATM. Hmmmm, how much should we take out? One month's salary or two? We choose one month's and tell the girls they'll have to share a regular size corn dog. (This year they had a jumbo corndog, it was as long as Albert's leg (his regular leg, get your head outta the gutter).

We get off the exit and traffic was backed up for miles. Living in Tampa all our lives Albert knew a "short cut". I tell him everyone thinks they have a short cut and no way we are getting in this parking in less than hour. He went up one more exit, made some turn and BAM there we were at some entrance that no one knew about and in we went and parked. Paid for 2 adults and snuck Riley in. I whispered "If anyone asks you're 5, not almost 7" She started asking "why" and I gave her the "you'll understand when you're a parent" and left it at that.

We bought the girls those all you can ride wrist bands so when Avery wants to ride the Jumbo Slide 6 million times it doesn't cost  3 tickets per kid  x 100 times each = like $5,000.

First Stop: Right as we walk in a guy on a mic is screaming and trying to get people to pay him $3 and he will guess your weight, age or month of birth. He has to get it within 2 and you win a hard stuffed animal. Albert stops and gives him $6 and says "ok guess her age and guess my weight". It's a lose lose situation at this point. Not that I look like a young chicken anymore but no one ever guesses my age. He looks me up and down and writes down a number. He asks me my age and I tell him, 32. He shows me his paper and it says 34! I punched out the one last standing tooth he had in his mouth and snacthed up my consulation prize, a plastic whistle. Just what I wanted. He then guessed Albert's weight, 217. Albert stands on the scale and it reads 210! Yah! We won a hard dirty stuffed duck. Sweet, 6 dollars down. Snore.

Second Stop: The Crazy Bus. This was actually the highlight of my day. A black family are in line in front of us (the dad and the little kids)  The smelly carnie opens the rope and they pile up to the crazy bus. The mother is standing next to me and screams to her family, "Hey! dontcha get on the back of dat bus!" ARE YOU F-IN KIDDING ME LADY! Listen Rosa Parks, it's the fair and this bus is a 15 second ride for kids. Apparently the dad didn't hear her!

After the crazy Bus, which they really used that term loose, it went round and round so slow I thought Avery fell asleep. We rode the HillBilly Express, the water bumper boats, they jumped in the dirty bounce house, rode the motorcycles, and all the other kid rides. Ry and I went on the farris wheel and after all the riding we were hungry. Riley and Avery had a small corn dog, I opted for the Albert leg corndog and a Mountain Dew. Good combo. Then I wanted a turkey leg, then I saw a man eating a slab of ribs, then I saw caramel apples. I was in fat girl heaven.
After spending about $200 on games, crap and tickets I had enough. So I got an airbrushed Shirt with Albert's name in a heart and we left.

I love the fair.