It's A Boiler Out There

The summer's been hot, humid and sticky. We are pool moochers. Meaning, we don't have a pool at our house so we mooch off other people's pools. This weekend we went to the Deckers' pool party. Always a great time with great friends and a ton of laughs. Things have sure changed though, changed in the fact that most of us have kids now. So the pool party is split in shifts.

First Shift: the peeps in the clique with kids that leave a little early.  Second Shift: the peeps in the clique that put their kids to nap in the back room so they can grab an hour of beer drinking and socializing and the Third Shift: our friend "Wayne" (name has been changed to protect his identity). "Wayne" comes at 6:30pm to an afternoon BBQ to make sure all the kids are gone. He walks in with his survival kit, better known as his "I'm gonna get so wasted and pass out on your air mattress" kit. It consists of a Langford Construction T-shirt and beer. I ask him where his toothbrush is and he holds up his index finger. Gross.

He walks in and before he even says hi he looks at me and says "Greenbaum, I have put on some weight in my stomach and I am allowing you ONE jab, one jab only!".
"ONE JAB ONLY?!!?" You can't do that to me, you know how much I love to make fun of you. But since I have become kinder and gentler I respect his wishes and save it.

We sit, play pool games, throw the frisbee and get to know all the cute kids we have. It's a fabulous day and a great way to spend our Saturday. The families with kids start to trickle out and we are still hangin' on until it's time for us to leave too. We get home and I realize I left my shoes there! Sounds like a good excuse right? But I really did. So I put Albert and Avery on the couch for a little TV time and I head back over. I head back because I really want my flip flops and I never got to make fun of "Wayne". I walk in and have a seat outside on the patio next to "Wayne" and I look over and spilling out of my mouth comes "HOLY SHIT, THAT THING LOOKS LIKE AN ALBINO PUMPKIN".  My boy "Wayne" has a boiler!

Note: This is not Wayne, this is the winner of this year's Boiler Belly Contest

Wayne was sportin' this whiter than snow hard belly. It was amazing. He wanted me to touch it but I was scared, he was proud. He proceeded to tell us that the 22 year he's seeing likes it. Sorry "Wayne", unless she has a boiler herself she doesn't find it sexy. I suggested we get some orange paint and paint a pumpkin on it. His belly button looks like the pumpkin's "O" face. It's hilarious. He then tells us he does sit ups every night. That's great now he's just building muscle on top of the fat and it's growing. The little black hairs on it make it look manly. I love my BFF Wade, I mean "Wayne".

I think next year he has a good shot at being the 2012 Boiler Belly Winner.