GASPARILLA- 1 LAUREN- 0

It started out like this: "I don't really care if we don't go to Gasparilla, we have no one to watch the kids and I don't really feel like drinking."

 

It ended like this:

This will mark my 100th Gasparilla, give or take. Gasparilla Lauren comes out once a year around this time. It used to start off with 8am Jell-o shots and by 10am I would sprain my ankle and jump around for mad beads until I couldn't walk anymore. Ok, well that was one year. I was in a cast for a few weeks until I cut it off.

In my entire life I have missed a total of 3 Gasparilla's , 1) when I was at Superbowl, 2) last year it rained and 3) the year of "I'm a mom now and I can't do that" (I got over that REAL fast).

This year started off with my BFF coming into town and wanting to "meet up" as many of you know, if you don't go together you never "meet up". Phones don't work and the "I'm by the big white slinkie on Rubiduex and the cheesesteak stand, right by the row of Port o Potty's" doesn't cut it!

So we dropped the kids off at some stranger's house and off we went....the anxiety and anticipation of Gasparilla is phenom. "will I get drunk? will I have fun? who will I see? how many beads will I catch? will there be a whore next to me showing her tits and getting all the beads?" runs through my head each year. You have to pick your spot and pick it wisely. You have to be in a grassy area yet you HAVE to get right on the gates so you can yell and get beaded. I did just that.

There were "vodka out of Wade's trunk" shots. Let me tell you about my friend Suede. Suede and I go way back, back to the Newport smoking, burgundy Sentra driving days where he thought he was thug and I thought I was cool enough to be cooler than he was. Wade is the staple of many friend groups, but wherever you go Wade will ALWAYS have to poop. So we hung out, he wanted a cheesesteak but only wanted a bite because if he ate anymore he would have to find a bathroom. You see, he can't pooh in port a potty's so we have to find a bathroom, it makes it for a lose lose situation for my friend Sued-o. So he drinks instead of getting his cheesesteak and then down he goes. I made fun of his shirt ALL day because he looked hot, not sexy, but damn right sweaty. I offered to buy him a shirt but couldn't find any smalls. So the striped Structure button down stayed on him all day long. 

 I had the best day and there were so many funny moments. I don't have pictures of all the funny but here's a few.  I lost my socks and boots then found them. Then lost them again and found them. 

I played in the grass, kissed pirates, drank brews, made fun of people, laughed, got dizzy, hungover, dizzy again then walked 2 miles with bead neck. My voice is beyond raspy and sexy and not gonna lie,  I'm still a little fuzzy. 

It's my day, I own it and I love it. Chance's house is always the meet up spot, it's a beautiful house right off Bayshore by the white slinkie thing.Tennille won the yearly (we just started this year) "Ryan and Tennille" calf contest 

Tennille wins....

My Sis shared a corn dog with me.

Since I am obsessed with the show Dexter, I HAD to take a picture with Masuka, the chinese look a like cop.

 I came home and had some Pirate stamp on my stomach, that I don't remember.  I had to PEE the whole day and here was my PEE pose.

Ok, so I didn't win the "mom of the month" award this month, but that's ok I won it last month so I'll give someone else a chance. I heart Gasparilla more than you know.  

(for those of you non-Tampons) The Gasparilla Pirate Festival is an annual celebration held in the city of Tampa, Florida. Held each year in late January and hosted by Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla and the City of Tampa, it celebrates the apocryphal legend of José Gaspar (Gasparilla), supposedly a SpanishSouthwest Florida. The theme is an "invasion" by Gasparilla and his men, which begins when the "Krewe" (made up of residents of the city) arrives on a 165' long pirate ship, the Jose Gaspar, in Tampa Bay and land near downtown Tampa. The mayor of Tampa then lends the key of the city to the pirate captain and a parade ensues down Bayshore Boulevard, one of Tampa's major streets. The krewes throw beads, coins and other items while shooting blank pistols from floats during the parade. The average attendance for the event is over 400,000 people. The parade is broadcast every year on WFLA-TV, and has been since 1955. According to the event's official website, 2003's Gasparilla parade effected an economic impact of nearly 23 million dollars to Tampa.   

Today I pour one out for my Homey....

Today is the second anniversary of the passing of my dad, Po. I simply can't blog about everything I want to because it will just take way to long but I want to jot down some things and remember him on this day as I do everyday. I will take one thing him and I share and run with that. My dad was a clown, by trade. He didn't have any formal clown training, it all just came natural. Here's a list of his supplies on hand at all times:

• Red Clown nose
• A Pack of imaginary balloons for the making of balloon animals
• Some sort of hat or wig
• A scarf of some sort
• His middle finger

At any given time the clown nose would come out of his pocket, the imaginary balloons would come out, he would blow up one long balloon, make twisty sounds and motions and BAM! A DOG! He would say. One year for Christmas I bought him a balloon animal making kit. He tried and tried but all we ever got out of it were a bunch of swords and pencils! Garage sale pile that went.

The scarf and middle finger were for his bird trick. He would ball up his fist and stick the scarf way down in his hand and blow real hard in his hand, the scarf would visibly drop to the floor and POOF (he would say) and then throw up his middle finger and scream A BIRD! It was my favorite magic trick of all times.

That was when I was in my late twenties.  But earlier in life, during the times when you were embarrassed of your parents, the times they had to drop you off 5 miles away and you would rather not go out then to be caught having your parents drop you off, he would drop me off away from the movies but he would pick me up RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE THEATER honking and yelling my name, yep you guessed it, dressed as a clown. Wig, nose, blaring horn, the works. It scarred me, but you know what....for some reason I wasn't embarrassed because my dad was my dad.

He had to be the first person in Avery's life to make her laugh and would sit by her swing and just blow raspberries until she laughed, that was "his thing" the blowing spit thing all over kids. After Avery had to constantly wear a baby rain coat around him he finally was the first to make her laugh. Him and I got so excited I snapped a picture of it.....

There are so many more memories and a gazillion more pictures but I post the ones that make me feel close to him. Like when he used to cup his hand on my belly to listen to Avery, like it was some conch shell and he could hear the ocean. He swore he could hear her laughing in there.

Or how about when I gave birth to Avery and he HAD TO BE IN THE ROOM. They only allowed 3 people and he said we would rotate but he had no intention of leaving. Ok, so my dad saw the birth, I insisted he stayed by my head and the mere thought of him looking at my crotch was something that made me queezy but after an epidural who the hell cared?? So there he was, the second Avery spit out of me, cheering like I had just won the Superbowl!

January 21st 2009 was tough, emotional, heartbreaking day but the AWESOME 30 years of memories is what keeps me going. I inherited the red clown nose, which I keep in my purse....you know, just in case someone needs a clown. Oh and I have the imaginary balloon animals down pat. Who wants a dog? Or sword?

Today's the Day

Today's the Day my great (yes I said great not just good) friend Marissa Pantaleo Stratton made me, yep made me, came to my house, pulled out my computer and made me start blogging. I told her it's too much pressure for me to blog and at times I'm inappropriate. Like the time this dude Fink deleted me from FB because I posted that I had gas. For God's sake I was pregnant and gassy so go F yourself Fink (only kidding).  Anyway,  she signed me up for a Gmail account, put some pretty birds in the background, uploaded a picture of me napping at a party and the BLOG is born. I really want to blog because Avery is at that age where she is doing the funniest shiz and I want to remember it. I also, from time to time, need to just get some stuff off my chest. So I splashed on some Jean Natte that I found today in my old bathroom and now I'm blogging. I think I just like the word blog. I will save my Jean Natte for MLK Day on Monday for the parade. Ode to the stink....Oh was any of my one follower wondering where the name Honk Shoooo came from? It's what I say when I'm super tired. So I will leave you with something funny Avery said to me yesterday (you can stop reading now but I know you won't this is just for the memory tank) I was "scratching" my nose the other day and she looked at me and said "egh Mommy don't pick yous buugers dat's insgusting" I love her so much it makes me gassy.