Wal-Mart- A Non Scientific study

We went to the beach this past weekend and on the way there I realized I forgot bug spray. Yep, I now bring bug spray to the beach after the island bugs feasted on my olive tan skin in St. Thomas. They feasted like Fat Joe likes cake. Going to the beach for us isn't your typical "throw some crap in the car and be done with it". It's mood swings, bullshit we take that we don't need, snacks like we're leaving the country and going where no food exists, and when it's all said and done this is what takes place in the car.

 Avery wraps herself up like a Muslim because she's bored and insists on making these weird sounds just to annoy me. Riley wears her new Wal-MART $2 mask the whole way there because it's "too sunny" in the car.  I am, of course, signing songs (to myself) to try and create the carefree beach memories and I turn around to see the above. FAIL.

Let's get into the Wal-Mart vs. Target thing that I know most people think about. I remember being just as embarrassed to say I bought something at Target as I did Wal-Mart. Now, I scream from the roof tops that I bought this as Target and still embarrassed to say I bought it at Wal-Mart. Wait, let me rewind, the only item of clothing I ever bought at Wal-Mart was a Gaither t -shirt I saw. Sorry, call me a snob but Wal-Mart sucks.

Well, Wal-mart kind of sucks. You can get some pretty good deals and if you find a clean Wal-Mart like the new one off of 41, it's not bad. So we pull into a Wal-Mart off of Gunn Hwy to pick up bug spray and some cheap pool toys and Albert sends me in solo (with my bathing suit and cover up on, you can imagine). I step in and soak it all in....the smell, the people, the lines, the people. The massive amounts of people there on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Like these people couldn't wait for their work week to be over so they can hit the Wal-mart on Gunn Hwy.  You've seen the emails that go around about the "people of Wal-mart" notice how you never see that about Target. I just googled "people of Wal-Mart and 32,000,000 things popped up. There is even a book from Amazon you can buy!
http://www.amazon.com/People-Walmart-Shop-Andrew-Kipple/dp/1402250711
In case you want one for your coffee table.

When did Wal-Mart turn into a one stop shop? You can shop for your groceries and John Deere toys, pick up a Subway sandwich then go sit and get a mani/pedi at the salon and if you forgot that you don't have enough cash for a tip, that's ok because attached to the Wal-Mart salon is now A BANK! What the hell? Now that you're all pretty and had a good lunch you should hop on over (by the entrance of the store) and get some pictures taken of you and your family, you know for the Wal-Mart book.

 (They would make a cute couple)

Target is just fun, you can walk and sniff the smell of popcorn and know by the end of your shopping trip you will be at least $100 in debt on fun things you don't need. You will have the silver or gold pair of flip flops that everyone will have this summer and you laugh because when see those flip flops on someone you will think "ha, she got those at Target and I have them in gold". You know you do it. You will buy a Gilligan O Malley nightgown because it's the softest thing your skin has ever felt. You will pick up some $4 mix and match play clothes for the kids and then hop on over to the seasonal section for the latest and greatest spring plates and cups. You will think "do I need this?" You don't but they're on sale for $1.29 so you get 6 just to feel satisfied that you bought fun stuff at Target.

Holla if you hear me.....go ahead and google just the word Target and hit Images. Then do the same for Wal-Mart. It proves my point.

Tales from the Unemployed

As most of you know I left my job at Team (MillerCoors) about 3 weeks ago. After 8 years with the company I got a little complacent and no one feels good running on a hamster wheel day after day. Of course the decision to leave wasn't something that I decided to do one day on a whim. It was about a year long thought out process with some planning and some weekly visits to my shrink. Yep, I see a shrink on the reg. For one, I feel grown up that I can say I see a shrink, and I like the word shrink.  I always pictured I would lay on this leather couch and spill my guts, all the while my shrink would be sleeping. Well she has a leather couch but it's different.  She never falls asleep and I sit up, not lay down. She just helps me organize my head and better understand that my perfect vision of life may need a new vision at times. Blah blah blah, I like her and her lavender candles calm me. So instead of me calling it quitting my job, I call it temporary retirement. So let's get into what I have done, learned, eaten, watched during my past three weeks of retirement. I wish I could remember ALL the things that have gone through my head but so much swarms around it daily that I will jot down the stuff that sticks out. I'll probably start rambling so feel free to skim.

We have decided to keep Avery in her preschool since she LOVES it and they love her. She learns, plays, eats healthy, has a ton of friends and boy friends (Jack and Nolan) and it's a great place. I keep her home so we can play with her friends or hit the zoo but most of the time she is at school. So that leaves me here, alone, to explore what people do when they don't work. Of course, I worked out of the house so it was flexible but I didn't really take advantage. I worked, traveled, was always available via email and phone so it was crazy at times.

First things is to create a bucket list. Well the bucket list has been created and completed and it's only been 3 weeks. So now I'll repeat the bucket list, and add to it (first thing to add, golf lessons). I am enjoying some quiet time and spend a lot of time on the computer just making sure I don't miss any job opportunities, although I am not obsessed yet with finding something, just keeping a peeper on what's going on out there.

Things I've learned from the daytime Tube:
...that the commercials that are on during the day are filled with people telling you to "get off the couch and start doing something you love, you owe it to yourself, what are you waiting for, call now and in 3 months you could be on the road to a better career." Nope, sorry, don't want to go to Phoenix University for my 2 month nursing degree. This commercial is followed by some pre paid cell phone commercial....see where I'm goin' with this?!?! I guess I should really stop watching Cheaters. Oh Cheaters, what a show. Two Ho's got in a fight on yesterday's show and one bitch pulled the other bitch's weave out of her hair and then threw it at her. It was laugh out loud comedy.

...there are a million Judge shows on. It's not even Judy anymore, it's like people that I don't think are really judges. One case the other day was a 14 year old girl being sued by her neighbor for vandalizing her car. The 14- year old gets her turn to explain why she did this and I kid you not her reply was " shoot, I was just walkin' and I be trippin over my shoe laces and, you know, I just fell into her car. That's why it's all damaged" PAHAHAHA, even the judge laughed. She lost. Next. Bailiff, let's bring in the next hood rat.

...I do enjoy that CSI plays on FX all day everyday.

...since I'm not prego, I don't enjoy all the daytime baby shows on TLC.

...AND THEN THERE'S THE JERSEY SHORE ON MTV ON DEMAND. This was today's special. I wanted to see what all the hype was about so I put it on my bucket list and checked it off today. Are you F-ing kidding me with that show?!?! I would rather get my nursing degree, better yet my masters degree from Phoenix University then EVER watch that crap again. The shear site of that house and the mess makes me nervous. One year I was a Puerto Rican for Halloween (since everyone thinks I'm Puerto Rican it was an easy costume) and I swear everyone on the J.S. looks like my Halloween costume. Snooki- short and fat, like my friend compares her to a soup sandwich, just gross.  The Situation- a grenade, better yet, a tank. Ronnie- roid head cry baby. Sammy- bad skin. JWOWW- Muffin top and tacky clothes. The house has wood panel walls and everyone sleeps in a twin bed. I don't get it?

Things I have eaten mass amounts of:
...Rolos. I don't know why, I don't know how this got started but everywhere I look I am sure to spot one of those little gold rolo wrappers. I have become unemployed-addicted.

...Boredom Salads. These are salads that have lettuce and everything in my pantry dumped in a bowl. I get bored so I invent salads.

...I have, however, mastered the art of my crock pot and have cooked some very delish meals. My fav so far? My Enchiladas. Oh so yum. Those of course weren't made in the crock.

Need a 15 minute bathroom break yet? Ok, go. I'll wait..............................


Now, my friend says I have not been unemployed long enough to blog about unemployment but I beg to differ. It's been 3 weeks and I have done a ton. Cleaning out drawers I didn't realize I had, dumping clothes that piss me off, cooking, I read a book after discovering and loving IBooks on my Ipad ( I also discovered that if you read outside on your IPad it will get hot and warn you that your precious IPad is overheating).

I think I am going to invent an "unemployment" uniform. I can wear it everyday and not have to worry about what to put on everyday to do virtually nothing. Tomorrow, I sign up for golf lessons and gear up for our beach weekend.

I'll leave you with something I think about all the time when I am alone at home, especially when I get out of the shower. I fear that someone is hiding in my closets and then all of a sudden I sneeze and out of force of habit the robber says "bless you" from inside the closet. I have no idea why but every time I am alone at home and I sneeze I cringe! Just waiting for the polite bad guy to bless me.

Unemployment is fun....so far.

Oh Go Fly A Kite....



 Besides the pollen and the constant sneezing, blowing and wheezing I really do love Spring and this weather.  I try to be so "Kelle Hampton" (for of those who don't know just google her). She is this creative type of superwoman that does precious stuff. Ok, I am so not her and I never will be and that's ok. So we have done some cute stuff so far like picnics and kite flying. Which is funny to me because I always think of back in the day when people used to say "oh go fly a kite" or "go play in traffic". So kite flying for me was always parrelled to someone throwing out the middle finger. But this kite flying is much cuter.


She was proud it flew, until it landed on the neighbors roof.

Pay no attention to the half PJ's half play clothes.



 We have also painted bird houses and learned how to golf. Yep, my 2 1/2 year old golfs every night. She goes out back and hits golf balls every evening and even tells me "mommy you need to get a tee and put your ball on it." She takes her pink club and whacks it. It is something so cute.

She is so proud of this one!

Our neighbor Dan got a lawn mower so we made fun of him. He thought it was so cool that he mows his own lawn. I give that until July, when this Iowa boys feels what summers with a lawn mower really feels like!

I just stand out back and take pictures of him and laugh, in a lounge chair.

Did I mention we gardened? Yep, we are growing Strawberries and herbs and planted pretty pretty flowers in the yard. And when I say we planted, I of course meant Albert.

I supervised.



Avery's New thing is this string cheese.

 She also cannot put the kitty boots in the "winter box".

So there you have it, Steph and Mo a simple quick honk shoo of a blog you can chew on today. I promise to get better. In fact, I have been jotting down some "I'm bored" things I have been thinking about that I can put in another blog. Like I really want to invent things. Febreeze for your skin? I take a bath, then play outside and my skin smells like "outside time" so I want a quick skin febreeze. 

Next post....bored things I've done while I have been out of work, fun things I've eaten while I've been out of work and new shows I have discovered.  This should be a good one. TO BE CON'T.....