Tales from the Unemployed

As most of you know I left my job at Team (MillerCoors) about 3 weeks ago. After 8 years with the company I got a little complacent and no one feels good running on a hamster wheel day after day. Of course the decision to leave wasn't something that I decided to do one day on a whim. It was about a year long thought out process with some planning and some weekly visits to my shrink. Yep, I see a shrink on the reg. For one, I feel grown up that I can say I see a shrink, and I like the word shrink.  I always pictured I would lay on this leather couch and spill my guts, all the while my shrink would be sleeping. Well she has a leather couch but it's different.  She never falls asleep and I sit up, not lay down. She just helps me organize my head and better understand that my perfect vision of life may need a new vision at times. Blah blah blah, I like her and her lavender candles calm me. So instead of me calling it quitting my job, I call it temporary retirement. So let's get into what I have done, learned, eaten, watched during my past three weeks of retirement. I wish I could remember ALL the things that have gone through my head but so much swarms around it daily that I will jot down the stuff that sticks out. I'll probably start rambling so feel free to skim.

We have decided to keep Avery in her preschool since she LOVES it and they love her. She learns, plays, eats healthy, has a ton of friends and boy friends (Jack and Nolan) and it's a great place. I keep her home so we can play with her friends or hit the zoo but most of the time she is at school. So that leaves me here, alone, to explore what people do when they don't work. Of course, I worked out of the house so it was flexible but I didn't really take advantage. I worked, traveled, was always available via email and phone so it was crazy at times.

First things is to create a bucket list. Well the bucket list has been created and completed and it's only been 3 weeks. So now I'll repeat the bucket list, and add to it (first thing to add, golf lessons). I am enjoying some quiet time and spend a lot of time on the computer just making sure I don't miss any job opportunities, although I am not obsessed yet with finding something, just keeping a peeper on what's going on out there.

Things I've learned from the daytime Tube:
...that the commercials that are on during the day are filled with people telling you to "get off the couch and start doing something you love, you owe it to yourself, what are you waiting for, call now and in 3 months you could be on the road to a better career." Nope, sorry, don't want to go to Phoenix University for my 2 month nursing degree. This commercial is followed by some pre paid cell phone commercial....see where I'm goin' with this?!?! I guess I should really stop watching Cheaters. Oh Cheaters, what a show. Two Ho's got in a fight on yesterday's show and one bitch pulled the other bitch's weave out of her hair and then threw it at her. It was laugh out loud comedy.

...there are a million Judge shows on. It's not even Judy anymore, it's like people that I don't think are really judges. One case the other day was a 14 year old girl being sued by her neighbor for vandalizing her car. The 14- year old gets her turn to explain why she did this and I kid you not her reply was " shoot, I was just walkin' and I be trippin over my shoe laces and, you know, I just fell into her car. That's why it's all damaged" PAHAHAHA, even the judge laughed. She lost. Next. Bailiff, let's bring in the next hood rat.

...I do enjoy that CSI plays on FX all day everyday.

...since I'm not prego, I don't enjoy all the daytime baby shows on TLC.

...AND THEN THERE'S THE JERSEY SHORE ON MTV ON DEMAND. This was today's special. I wanted to see what all the hype was about so I put it on my bucket list and checked it off today. Are you F-ing kidding me with that show?!?! I would rather get my nursing degree, better yet my masters degree from Phoenix University then EVER watch that crap again. The shear site of that house and the mess makes me nervous. One year I was a Puerto Rican for Halloween (since everyone thinks I'm Puerto Rican it was an easy costume) and I swear everyone on the J.S. looks like my Halloween costume. Snooki- short and fat, like my friend compares her to a soup sandwich, just gross.  The Situation- a grenade, better yet, a tank. Ronnie- roid head cry baby. Sammy- bad skin. JWOWW- Muffin top and tacky clothes. The house has wood panel walls and everyone sleeps in a twin bed. I don't get it?

Things I have eaten mass amounts of:
...Rolos. I don't know why, I don't know how this got started but everywhere I look I am sure to spot one of those little gold rolo wrappers. I have become unemployed-addicted.

...Boredom Salads. These are salads that have lettuce and everything in my pantry dumped in a bowl. I get bored so I invent salads.

...I have, however, mastered the art of my crock pot and have cooked some very delish meals. My fav so far? My Enchiladas. Oh so yum. Those of course weren't made in the crock.

Need a 15 minute bathroom break yet? Ok, go. I'll wait..............................


Now, my friend says I have not been unemployed long enough to blog about unemployment but I beg to differ. It's been 3 weeks and I have done a ton. Cleaning out drawers I didn't realize I had, dumping clothes that piss me off, cooking, I read a book after discovering and loving IBooks on my Ipad ( I also discovered that if you read outside on your IPad it will get hot and warn you that your precious IPad is overheating).

I think I am going to invent an "unemployment" uniform. I can wear it everyday and not have to worry about what to put on everyday to do virtually nothing. Tomorrow, I sign up for golf lessons and gear up for our beach weekend.

I'll leave you with something I think about all the time when I am alone at home, especially when I get out of the shower. I fear that someone is hiding in my closets and then all of a sudden I sneeze and out of force of habit the robber says "bless you" from inside the closet. I have no idea why but every time I am alone at home and I sneeze I cringe! Just waiting for the polite bad guy to bless me.

Unemployment is fun....so far.